Gameshow thoughts...

Idea for gameshow #389

X-Factor receives far too many applicants as we all know.

I weep to think of the surplus who don't even get a shot at displaying their talents.

Here is my solution.

We tell say, a few hundred to meet in a warehouse, knock em out with sleeping gas. Then we fly groups of them around the world to be deposited at the deepest recesses of un-lit gold and copper mines.

Armed with only one match each and the raw will to survive they awaken to take part in....

Mastermine !

career information

People often ask me how it all started, where was it I began my illustrious career. So I tell them, where we all start of course, at the bottom of the pile, I was no different. My first job was Assistant Paper-clip Inspector in a department of the civil service. Two solid years of dedication, long hours, studying the trade, learning the ropes shadowing the Chief paper-clip inspector's every move. Sure it could be repetitive and feel a little un-inspiring at times, but I put this down to youthful impatience. You soon find many ways to experience excitement when inspecting correct usage of paper-clips on tens of thousands of stored documents. We had rules and we applied them, 'left side, 10cm indent, vertical from top side in parallel line with left edge of paper' it became my mantra and I've never forgotten it. Didn't matter whether it was a plastic or metal paper-clip, what size, colour, age or condition. It had to be right. 'left side, 10cm indent, vertical from top side in parallel line with left edge of paper' Beautiful simplicity of purpose in my Assistant Paper-clip Inspector civil service job. Where do you find that sort of industrial clarity nowadays? Replaced by computers probably, like everything else. Those two years were probably the most rewarding of my life...

walking and measuring

Whenever I go for a walk I always carry with me a tape measure, notebook and pen or pencil. I find myself compelled to reinforce all my empirical observations of life and the objects around me with written notes on size and dimensions, sometimes texture too. Walls, fences, cars, lamp posts, pavement slabs, drains, plants, bushes, trees (these can be very time consuming and quite dangerous as I am not a naturally gifted climber), people, cats & dogs (animals I must admit are not always very obliging, neither for that matter are people... particularly mothers with prams), litter bins, traffic lights. The list is very long. Everything must be measured. I have measured most of the inanimate and animate objects in a square-mile radius of my home. I now have a 3,585 page book of notes. In addition I am learning the fundamentals of rocket science via correspondence course and hope to create a small rocket which I will use to launch my book of notes into space. It is my hope some alien civilisation retrieve the rocket with it's book cargo and use the detailed information to reconstruct my home and it's surroundings on some other planet. By this time I will hopefully have been able to construct a larger rocket which I will of course use to transport myself to this otherworld replica of my domicile and once there I will of course check it for accuracy, carefully.

accident

Dropped a bottle of ink the other day. A large drop flew through the air and landed on a nearby piece of paper. It dried and this was left.

Alien Invasion

Popular culture has portrayed alien invasion as utilising ray guns and teeth in their aggressive attempt to overcome the human species. This seems more a reflection of humans themselves.

 

My theory is that the aliens may already be here and 'invading' in their own way. Who are the aliens? Slugs. Eating our plants and dead stuff. Except on the planet they came from they hadn't planned on salt and pellets. Or birds.

idea

Plot

Drawn by stories of pavements encrusted with anchovies Philippe arrives in the Andorran capital of..... from the countryside where he has grown up.
He finds the city to be a harsh and difficult environment, impoverished he turns to singing for scraps.
His beautiful folk songs attract the beautiful Suzie who lives a big house owned by Cyril Bullion a Bank Manager at Banco Pravada.
This is much to the annoyance of her self appointed boyfriend Louie who lives in a house owned by Diego Dollars a Bank Manager at Credit 
A plot of revenge is set in motion, Louie enlists the aid of Paulo a retired Portuguese swimming dog. A forgotten hero Paulo has no choice but to take on any work offered and agrees to scare Philippe out of town for Louie.
One evening by the bay he is ready to spring on Philippe and Suzie but entranced by Philipes singing he turns against Louie.
As the three head to Louie's house they thwart upon arrival an attempt by Spanish Corporate Identity Thieves to steal 7 logos for the main 7 banks of Andorra, saving the economy.
Paulo is awarded a medal, Philippe and Suzie forgive Louie and move to the countryside with a huge financial reward.

setting

In a secret forest guarded by mist...

The creatures of the forest are drawn each evening to the music of the lilies performed in the pools by frogs and dragonflies...

Some have seen the trees themselves bend and arch downwards almost as if to hear the fantastic sounds more closely.

Further to the old story

In six weeks Kar had not eaten. Three Rezigs had returned from Tirl with the head of the enemy but no reward had arrived. Memory was not a shared commodity, and confusion reigned where anger anguish and resentment should have ruled. If Kar did not eat the community would die, and as death was an experience none alive had lived through their existence would and should have passed un-noticed.

A complication had arisen, a philosophical doubt amongst the energy gatherers and this in the most civilised of fashions superceded hunger as an overriding concern.

old story

Just as the news was about to come on the television the telephone in the hall rang. I walked out of the room to answer it as the familiar introduction music began. The two sounds wed curiously. Perhaps the call would be a welcome distraction from the usual stream of depression I thought as I picked up the receiver.
"Hello."
"Hi, who's that?" came an unfamiliar voice.
"Who's this?" I replied, cautiously but not rudely.
"Is that Phil's place?"
I paused.
"I think you might mean the guy who lived here before."

choice

Which is better design. The orange square or the blue circle. Is one more pure than the other?

Seasonal psychological issue

Recurring nightmare. It's Christmas, I'm an adult trapped in a childs body, my mother takes me to the department store...to Santa's grotto, and..